I’ve had a roller coaster of emotions today.
Life is good. No, actually my life is AMAZING. I have a family I adore; two kids whom I love so much I could burst; a husband who, while he thinks the work I’m doing now is bat-shit crazy, supports me in following my bliss; I have an incredible business partner whose talent leaves me awestruck and so grateful to be working with her; I have an honest-to-goodness book; and I have loads of outside validation that the healing methodology I’ve co-created is changing lives in profound ways.
The one thing I haven’t had is work-life balance. I have been laser-focused on my career, getting my new energy practice off the ground and getting the Trigger Release Method the exposure it needs to really make an impact on the world, that I’m missing out on my family. If I’m not hiding in my office at my computer then I’m multi-tasking ALL THE TIME. What am I going to write for my next blog post? I need to come up with clever Facebook posts to attract business! Still have to design that flyer for next month’s workshop! Damn, I’ve got to fix that page on my website…let me just make note of the changes I need to make. It goes on and on. I might be with my family, but I haven’t been PRESENT.
I’ve mentioned before that I eat, sleep, and breathe subconscious work. It’s what I do. My initial reason for starting MKMMA is no longer the reason I’m continuing with it now. The information I’ve been picking up in the webinars and from the exercises is complementing my work so well…I’m doing my job better as a result. The Methodology is improving as a result of these new insights.
This morning it occurred to me to use TRM on myself to figure out if my subconscious was working on manifesting “every last bit of my DMP.” I was pleased to discover the answer was, “Yes”! Then I asked if my subconscious was also creating blocks to manifesting these goals. Also a solid “Yes.” [“Blocks” is TRM lingo, but if you’ve studied the Law of Attraction elsewhere, you’d recognize that we can send the universe mixed messages…on the one hand, messages of what we want, then on the other, simultaneous messages of doubt. The universe doesn’t get a clear message, so nothing is manifested at all.]
What came out was interesting. I discovered a couple of long-held beliefs which started when I was a kid which, I realized I had never fully let go of. The first was “I never get what I want. Everyone else always gets what they want, so something must be wrong with me.” I realized the truth in this statement when I thought about the instinctive little pang of jealousy I would get when I’d hear about something fun or exciting someone else did, but which upon reflection, I’d realize was not something I actually wanted. I can’t think of anything I want that I don’t already have, or am in the process of getting…so where would the jealousy come from if not a subconscious belief?
The second belief was even more impactful. “Only through hard work will I receive praise. I can’t take time for fun.” There it was. This was the belief that was keeping me from enjoying quality time spent with my family. And also, that work needs to be “hard.” The idea that if I’m not overworked, I’m not doing it right.
I had a good cry as my subconscious released those old beliefs (I know something has shifted when the unexpected waterworks start!) and I’ve got a new sense of calm.
I didn’t expect to write this blog post tonight…I had thought I might even have to skip this week altogether because I desperately wanted to establish some work-life balance. But here I am, and it feels like the thing I’m supposed to be doing right now.
Even better, though, my family watched The Empire Strikes Back tonight (we’ve got tickets for the new Star Wars movie on Dec 23, and we need to make sure the kids know the whole backstory!)…and for the first time in YEARS, I didn’t multi-task. I was present. And there wasn’t even the slightest pang of guilt that I was supposed to be doing something else. I am amazed and grateful.
We’ll see how I feel tomorrow, but in this moment I feel like I can do anything I want. My DMP involves selling 1 million books and my press release has me sitting with Oprah…look out world, ’cause here I come! 🙂